In silent solitude and in all serenity
I walked the curve towards my final act
All of this occurring beneath
The line of observable behavior
Most of the setbacks in life
I had to deal with on my own
One of them was to process my way through
From the first thought to my final sigh
People will say I was vulnerable
Or that my communication was blocked
I was unable to externalize
Or that my coping was poor
My entrapment provides rest
There is no way back now
I feel a relief now things are clear
I will die the way I have lived…all alone
I have chosen the tools to fight my last battle
my moment to enter the arena
It will be a cry of pain, not a cry for help
As I undress I notice a grin appears
Soothing water is flowing
I take off my watch and check
Whether this really is my moment
I enter, water spills on the floor
Now soon to come
My victory to a life
So endlessly disappointing
As I start cutting,
I feel my strength grow stronger
Making the liberating cut deeper at the end
A stunning sight, me watching my own blood
gulping out of my open taken arm
I am so proud knowing I dared
It took me 4 years
This is where I enter nothingness
Anywhere is better than here
People left behind are devastated
Tormented by questions with no answers
Searching for signals I might have sent