Closure

by Chalice

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released September 10, 2015

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Track Name: A death without warning
In silent solitude and in all serenity
I walked the curve towards my final act
All of this occurring beneath
The line of observable behavior

Most of the setbacks in life
I had to deal with on my own
One of them was to process my way through
From the first thought to my final sigh

People will say I was vulnerable
Or that my communication was blocked
I was unable to externalize
Or that my coping was poor

My entrapment provides rest
There is no way back now
I feel a relief now things are clear

I will die the way I have lived…all alone

I have chosen the tools to fight my last battle
my moment to enter the arena
It will be a cry of pain, not a cry for help
As I undress I notice a grin appears

Soothing water is flowing
I take off my watch and check
Whether this really is my moment
I enter, water spills on the floor

Now soon to come
My victory to a life
So endlessly disappointing

As I start cutting,

I feel my strength grow stronger
Making the liberating cut deeper at the end
A stunning sight, me watching my own blood
gulping out of my open taken arm

I am so proud knowing I dared
It took me 4 years
This is where I enter nothingness
Anywhere is better than here

People left behind are devastated
Tormented by questions with no answers
Searching for signals I might have sent

All of it in vain…a death without warning

A death
A death
A death
A death without warning

But now
I am in the place
Where I belong
Track Name: Disclosure
Before I am six feet deep
I need to get this sorted
I need to tell the truth

Years have passed, flown by
The past catches up
I need to clear my head

The torture and the abuse
Suffered for decades
Made me into this man

Can I say it made me proud
Can I say it made me happy
All I felt and still feel is pain

I buried it deep
Inside my head and heart
It is eating me from the fucking inside

Yes I tried to get help
But who really listens
Who can really help me

So now it is time
one last time to try
Let all my demons speak

I wonder why I try
It gives me rest
To tell the things I have felt

I don't see
What it does to me
Is this mankind
Am I blind

I carry this hate
Is this my fate?
What is the source
Of my selfhating force?

The pain I feel each day
I can not describe
It is driving me so insane

To endure this life
To reach the end
I accept my destiny

Listen up you shit
Hope you are proud of it
Of your textbook life
It makes me heartsick

The world is unfair
There is nothing I can do
I can only hate you
For your false compassion

And now I am certain
Solitude is my guidance
It's my everlasting burden

I do not need pity
All I ever needed
Was a caring friend

I see only hypocrites
Who don't give a shit
About my many battles

So now it's time
For you to think
About these words
Do they make sense